The Famous Dixons (origin story)

Perhaps it’s not “really” the origin story but anyway. We had some uncharacteristic downtime while recording, either finishing early or waiting on someone, I can’t recall the studio but Paul has told me it was when we were at Genetic Sounds, so probably while recording The Celtic Soul Brothers. Seb and I were in the studio kitchen, Seb probably squirrelling away the best of the biscuits and me making my 50th tea of the day, proper tea not like the stewed brew preferred by the London contingent of Kevin and Spearsey. In pops the rest of the band, Brian singing “We are the famous Dixons and we’re here to entertain you”, “we’re doing it, are you coming?”

Seb and I sat it out but everyone else was so up for it, it was a sight to behold. Absolutely hilarious, every one of them camping it up to the max.

Imagine a tune similar to the theme tune from “It Ain’t Half Hot Mum”, but with the words below:

We are the famous Dixons and we’re here to entertain you
Here to entertain you
And you, and you and you

We are the famous Dixons and we’re here to entertain you
And this is what we’re going to do

We’re so glad to be here and welcome you here,
With plenty of laughter and plenty of cheer…

…
…on repeat like that for a bit
…for ages actually…
…then
So we’re here for you, and what’ll we do,
So let’s get on with, let’s get on with the, let’s get on with the show, oh oh!

Kevin wanted to do a verse in French too, so Spearsey being the most qualified – with a French O-level pass to his name – sat down and did a literal translation of a verse. Kevin had a go at it but decided that it didn’t sound French enough and did an entire verse in mock French filled with Gallic sounds instead of actual French words. A nasal “Ho hee Ho”, zut alors, it was brilliant. The icing on the cake though was Brian’s tap dancing intermission that he played on a mic’d up piece of wood or glass on the studio floor with drum sticks.

The plan was for the “Famous Dixons” to go on stage before our live set, dressed in shorts and t-shirts to perform it like a cheesy song and dance number. Apart from me and Seb who took ourselves far too seriously to get involved in this particular caper, it was pure Brian, Micky B, Spearsey, Jimmy and Kevin R theatre, like I mentioned earlier, as camp as a row of tents and hilariously surreal.

Just imagine the audience reaction when the curtain pulled back to the sight and sound of “The Famous Dixons”, alas tragically never performed, but not forgotten. Not by me anyway.

A while back I met up with Paul “Spearsey” and I had to ask, “you know The Famous Dixons, that DID actually happen didn’t it?”, he laughed himself silly, “yes, yes it did, I’d forgotten about that.”

Someone out there must have a cassette hidden away, a lost classic…